“Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there’s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it. But for some of us there’s only today. And the truth is, you never really know.”
I just had a realization. People have been so mean to me my entire life that I remember in middle school a girl was nice to me for no reason and I didn’t know how to react and was waiting for her to be a bitch but she wasn’t… And this has happened a lot throughout my life. I never knew how to be around people who were nice. I was used to being screamed at, insulted, made fun of, and cast out. I was always waiting for them (friends) to turn on me, because that happened a lot too. Every time I thought I had a friend it turned out they were using me and never liked me. So for a long time everyone I met I just assumed we were never friends and that no one really liked me. So I would hang around shitty people who were always mean to me because that’s how it always was. It explains why I never understood when someone was being abusive. Especially because my mom was, so I was used to abusive behavior too. Every time I had let my guard down and decided I had friends the same thing would happen. They turned out to be trash and I fucking hated them.
Luckily my family is nice… All of my “friends” did the same to me… Used me and made fun of me, they never liked me…
